How the might have fallen

Why hello my adoring fans....all of probably 2 who have actually stumbled across this crap. Why is it that no matter how hard you try to get out of whatever hole you dug yourself into, you seem only to get deeper??? I used to be so good.....not just as in pure and innocent, but reliable, proficient....if I put my mind to something, I got it done. No Problem. So what exactly happened...how did I go from the girl who does everything right to the gril scrambling to hold on? When did my life get so depressing, going from day to day just thinking about what HAD to be done just to get caught up? I am so far behind in life now it is insane....this is not where I had planned to be in highschool....everything was supposed to get better after I left that hell. I was supposed to have fun! I was supposed to BE someone! But I'm not. It's been five fucking years since grad....and I have almost nothing to show for it. And that is pathetic. That's more than pathetic....I wish I could go back, to like grade 10. I could change everything then. I was so afraid to be who I was, to be noticed for any reason...and that has stuck with me - and I have missed so much in life because of it. I thought I was going to move out of that stupid little town and make something of myself, show all those people that I was better than they thought. But look at me....I'm not better, hell I'm not even as good as I was when I left. I'm becoming the failure that I had always feared...and I don't know if there is anything I can do to stop it now.