Furthest From My Thoughts,
I'm back again. although I'm pretty sure I'm the nly one to read this, but none the less here I am. Life is a strange entitiy. I don't know if I am better or worse since I left that last rather depressing post on here, all I know is I am alive. Here. And I have no idea how I let myself fall to where I am.
I tried everything I could think of not to end up rightwhere I am...working a low paying job which I hated and living at home, deeply in debt, and alone. Sometimes I think fate has it in for my...or perhaps my fear of this end made me what I am today. Who can really tell? And what is the point of rambling on about it you ask? Maybe there is no point other than once I thought I could be somebody. Once I imagined a life where I was moderatly happy. Once I was sure I wouldn't end up 25 and unable to feel, to smile, to know anyone at all.
Once the girl I was dreamed of myths and heroes and reality was furthest from my thoughts.
Jade
I tried everything I could think of not to end up rightwhere I am...working a low paying job which I hated and living at home, deeply in debt, and alone. Sometimes I think fate has it in for my...or perhaps my fear of this end made me what I am today. Who can really tell? And what is the point of rambling on about it you ask? Maybe there is no point other than once I thought I could be somebody. Once I imagined a life where I was moderatly happy. Once I was sure I wouldn't end up 25 and unable to feel, to smile, to know anyone at all.
Once the girl I was dreamed of myths and heroes and reality was furthest from my thoughts.
Jade
posted by Jade at 12:23 AM
2 Comments:
Hey Jade,
Hope you don't mind me leaving a comment...
i read all of your entries and remember feeling very similar when i was in my early - mid-20's.
this can be a really tough age - i remember realizing in horror how nobody really 'has it all figured out' - not my family nor my friends. but they had seemed to - were they all faking it?
i guess it was good to know, after the initial shock, that i wasn't the only one. maybe since i was visibly trippin' did it seem to isolate me from them. i thought "well at least i'm honest about not knowing shit!" - still didn't help.
i think everyone's "secret" was that they didn't let it bother them so much, even if they were being criticized by others.
my point - stop bashing yourself. you try soooo hard to do what you think is right, but it's clear to me your not giving yourself any credit for it. you'll get there whether you're fraught with angst or staying positive. it's your choice.
take care.
I'm very very very unsocial, I need help please,l.... Ok so I watched this random YouTube video and this girl who looks to be 13 14 years old is having a great time with her,friends... I barely have any friends, the girls family are the best family ever, they never shout at each or anything, basically I need help been social I've had ENOUGH of been unsocialable
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